Mental Health And My Stressful Job

For quite a while, I can say that I genuinely love my job. I worked as an admin assistant at an advertising company. I like most about my job: the salary, the job description, the production team, and my super kind boss. I stayed working on the same task over and over for the past five years because I enjoyed the benefits, the people, and the financial gain. However, things changed when my job somehow managed to ruin my mental health.

However, despite the financial stability, I still experienced a great deal of stress on the job. I get stuck with too much work piling up on my desk that I had to finish in a day. There is no consideration, and those pieces of paper should get ready in a flash. I am always behind my schedules, and even if I thought I managed to beat the deadlines, I sometimes messed the whole production. But of course, there are times that my job tends to be extra effortless. I don’t do anything. I wait for the time to pass by, and that’s it. There is no challenge at all. Honestly, compared to the piled paper works that I have to do in a short period, sitting all day, doing nothing is far worse than damaging.

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Stress, Stress, Stress

My stress comes in both doing almost everything to doing nothing. I can say that there is no balance in my job. That imbalance makes me lose the interest to engage in other things. When I am busy, I’m not too fond of any distractions from the outside world. I can’t say I am motivated because that is not what is happening. When I get stressed with all the deadlines, I work hard because I do not want to get fired. Does that make any sense?

Meanwhile, on those days that I sit all day doing nothing, I still feel the emotional and mental pressure coming over me. Not because I get to feel tired of working or anything. But because waiting for the time to pass by is considerably an exhausting job to do. I don’t complain because, honestly, I like the idea of not working on stuff but still get paid for it. However, it felt weird that I somehow see myself stagnant. For five years, I have succeeded in determining the things that entirely deteriorate my mental health.

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Pressure And Unrealistic Deadlines

It is quite flattering that my boss entrusts me with almost everything in the office. It is as if he knew the best working qualities I have. That is why he often insists that I finish the job on time or earlier than expected. Honestly, at first, it was not a big deal. I somehow managed to provide him the results he needed, and that routine went quite well. However, the problem escalates into a profound emotional and mental exhaustion when he required me to work on consecutive projects non-stop. Meaning, I don’t get to rest. I am not permitted to take a break because the whole advertising production depends on me. I was forced to engage in unrealistic deadlines that somehow make me lose my grip.

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One time, I was having a rough day because of a personal issue, and I committed a mistake. My boss didn’t take that quite well, and he humiliated and criticized me for the first time. I felt so emotional that I thought about his action as a betrayal. The hurtful words and criticism affected me negatively that I ended up losing my balance. From then on, I can’t seem to focus on my job. It impacted my duties and responsibilities and created a lasting effect on my workmates’ production as well. As I have said, everything about the whole advertising progress depends on me. Thus, whenever I am not emotionally, physically, and mentally okay, everyone gets immobilize.

The pressure went on for a couple of months. I was not able to perform well, and projects piled up. The company started losing its clients, and my boss had to fire some employees. Because of that, my co-workers started talking behind my back. They blamed me for the inconsistency of our services. Honestly, I understand where they are coming from. If I were in my co-workers’ shoes, I would feel the same.

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To sum it up, things got worst day after day. The toxicity in the workplace went high that people ended up avoiding me. I became paranoid about things. I often went home crying after a day’s work and feel sorry for myself. Nothing is helping me anymore, and the more I try to make things better, the more damage I cause. Now, my boss is disappointed in me, my co-workers hate me, and I am left with a mental health problem – particularly depression.

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